Leaving
by DreamerJMLH
Summary: A quick one-shot about Deeks thoughts about leaving. set after 5x01


Hi guys :)

I´ve got to admit I´ve never ever written an NCIS LA fanfic before but I kinda got really hooked up on that show and of course me being me, I´m a complete Densi shipper. I mean come on they are like the cutest ship ever and since Tiva has been kind of disappeared or however you wanna call it, I´ve got obsessed with these two. Anyway I hope you like this quick little oneshot

Xoxo

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Disclaimer: I don´t own these characters, I´m just borrowing them ;)

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Leaving has never been an option for him. Even though he had endured so many hopeless times in which leaving would have been the most simple thing ... he never did.

When his father started to abuse him he had had plenty of times in which he could have left but he never did. He stayed because he knew his mother wasn't willing to leave his father and so he stayed because even though he was a child, without him, who would have been there to help and protect her. Who would have stood up to his father when his mother was lying on the floor, blood and bruises covering her. Who would have been there to hold her, when the alcohol had a tight grip on his father´s actions and he beat her nearly to death.

None ... So he stayed.

When he started at LAPD he instantly found that none wanted him there. But he had sworn to himself that he would stop these criminals, murderer, rapists and ... abusers. He never wanted to be counted as a victim of abuse; he wanted to be the one to put abusers to prison. And even though it was never easy, even though he had to change identities so many times and knew he would never be accepted no matter as who, he stayed.  
Because who would've been there to do the undercover work he was so damn good at. Who would be there to relate with the victims on a level that no other detective could, because he ... a victim himself knew how they all felt.

None ... So he stayed.

But then it all changed. He got a new job as a liaison between LAPD and NCIS and even though there were bumps on the road, especially Sam, he was accepted and for the first time in a really long time he knew he had someone who cared about him, was there for him and accepted him.  
He became part of their small, weird, unique but happy family and that was what counted for him. That was what made a difference for him. Because he didn't feel like he had to stay anymore, he wanted to stay.  
And even though there were still times that were hard, he never once thought about leaving as he did before ...

But now he wasn't so sure anymore. What he had endured was something he wished none to go through. He himself wished that he had never experienced it but he couldn't change the past.  
He knew that he suffered and he knew that the others saw that but he couldn't let them in. He cared about them.. especially, he cared about her' and he knew it would cause them pain to hear what he had gone through. He knew they would feel guilty and that was something he didn't want. And even though it hurt like hell, to push the only people in his life that he really cared about, away ... It was the only way.

He knew he would never be the same man that he once was; he was changed ... and broken.  
And maybe it would be best for all of them if he simply left. Because what good would he be for them ... He wasn't a fully trained agent, hell he wasn't an agent at all. He didn't have their experience and what he had didn't count a lot. He was broken and how could he work as the person he was now. He himself didn't know what person exactly he was right now, he had yet to figure that one out. And he wasn't even sure if he wanted to go back to his old life because his old life with that new person ... that simply didn't match.

So this time he wasn't sure if staying was actually the right thing for him to do.  
But who would be there for them, making them smile when everything was dark, who would tell stories just to take their minds off of things and especially ... who would be there for her?

None ... so he stayed.


End file.
